K. Thanks for agreeing with me.
It's nice to have some empathy on this issue. And I've noticed that the more things and responsibilities I acquire, the harder it is to let go. I have more control issues than I've ever had before with each passing day. I am becoming an admittedly frugal control freak.
Holler if you're with me here.
How much do we really want God's will? It has a little to do with what we believe about God. I believe God is good, and I also believe that God can intervene where he wants to. In ways he wants to. But I have become less and less receptive to "his will" or really just giving up my own will for my life.
Okay, so let's say I or someone.. doesn't matter who, developed a tool with which I could examine God's will for my life and dissect it and arrange it into a flowchart with choices and consequences and happiness index ratings and whatever and ever amen...
I would still take it with a grain of salt and evaluate what I thought about it.
Nevermind that God is sovereign. I would critique his plan and will if I even found out what it was based on nothing more than my own inadequate imagination. Let me explain. See our imaginations are a sophisticated part of us as humans. They allow us to project ourselves not only in situations that we have never experienced, but situations that no one has ever experienced. And subsequently predict our emotions about those situations. The truth is, our imaginations leave out details. And we often incorrectly predict our feelings about future circumstances. But still....
That is how much of a control freak I am.
So what will it take to break that? Ultimately it comes down to how much you trust God. I mean who else do you trust with your life besides yourself? And who gave you this life in the first place? And you can't trust someone without knowing and spending time with them.
This is a largely confessional post - hopefully anyone who is reading might identify with a part of it and know you're not alone. Let's make some progress together. If instead you're thinking I'm a terrible Christian - well that's okay too. But I hope not.
Peace and trust
